Into the Depths

I went swimming today.

That's not an unusual activity for my Maine vacations, but maybe in November it would raise a few eyebrows.

Nonetheless, I went swimming.

I went on a walk around the back of the house into our woods. Casually taking pictures, I found a spot on the ground and I sat.

It was silent.

There was no one else around, the wind had come to a halt and I couldn't hear the scrambling of squirrels or birds anywhere. It was silent.

At that moment, I felt comfortable. And not just the kind of comfortable where nothing is in pain, but truly at peace with myself.

And I dove.

I dove into my thoughts and desires.

I felt unstoppable- plunging into all of the possibilities of what could be. What my future could hold. What places I could travel to. What kind of person I could be.

How do I decide who I want to be?

I feel like I'm drowning in choices. Immediate choices of what to say right now in this moment. Extensive choices that will determine where I will be in a year. Trivial choices that mean nothing in the long scheme of things, but still seem critical now.

I will be helpful. I will be kind to strangers. I will be present in my family. I will be loyal to my friends. I will be grateful for what has been given to me.

Come up to breathe. Let the water flow. Believe.